2 October 2003

Convert-itis

Yeah, yeah, so it’s been a long time since I posted. I’ve been outta town, and writing a fair bit o’ music lately, so the blog lapsed. However, it’s time to post again, so here we go!

Ok, after reading some recent posts and comments on other blogs, and after a fabulous and life-filled weekend with some very good friends in Illinois, I have a bit of a rant to go on…convertitis. Where should I begin? Well, perhaps I’ll start with why I’m ranting. Being a convert to Orthodoxy myself (in so many uncertain terms…) I know that I’m going to border dangerously on shining the light on my own failures. The content of some of the posts and more importantly, the comments to those posts was, in my opinion, disappointing. Also, as far as visiting friends go; our friends in Illinois know a couple that converted to Orthodoxy about a year ago, and have a bad case of convertitis, which also contributes to my rant. For those who may wonder what I’m talking about, convertitis is this: Protestant (usually) or other Christian who converts to Orthodox Christianity and then proceeds to convince everyone they’ve ever known that they are now “right” and everyone else is “wrong” or not in the Church at all. Here’s my rant.

Why? Why, why, why, why, why? Isn’t it enough that we’ve found the ancient faith? Isn’t it enough that God is more merciful than we could ever dream of in our fallen state? Isn’t it enough that Christ himself gave his very life as a sacrifice for our sin so that we may live? Isn’t it enough to just know within ourselves that our heritage is joy unspeakable? Why is there this incessant need to TALK!! Why is there this driving force of evangelistic piety and talking “down to?” I’m tired of hearing about this. I suppose as long as we are fallen, it will continue to happen, but I still don’t have to like it. So many of us found Orthodoxy and fell in love with the Living Tradition of it, and more importantly, with the Living God who fills its very Sacramental life. Why then must so many feel compelled to raise the sceptre of righteousness above their heads and strike the hearts of all those who don’t recognize the “fullness of the faith” in the Orthodox Church? Our friends acquaintances are on the far end of this rope, cutting off those who would disagree with their beliefs. They disregard basic, God-given friendship and love in exchange for piety and religion. And as for the more subtle of the sickness, there is this incessant need to try and convert all other Christians that we come in contact with under the guise that we are somehow “saving” them from the wiles and evils of Protestantism. Don’t get me wrong, I think that there are many very dangerous heresies out there. However, there seems to be simply just too much talking AT and not enough talking TO, or maybe even better, too little LISTENING to those around us. Lord have mercy!

Janna and I were talking about this tonight, and we believe that much of it lies in the heart of the conversion of Western-minded, evangelical, fundamentalists into the Orthodox Church. So much of western Christianity is saturated with the Great Commission. So many other Christians I meet are driven by the commission to save souls and win hearts for Jesus over all other things. I am disheartened by this drive and lack of vision, wherever I see it, be it Protestantism, Rome, or Orthodoxy. When this mindset is then inundated with Orthodox theology, sometimes there becomes this dangerous mix of, “My task is still to win souls, but now I’m RIGHT and must win souls not only to Jesus, but to the RIGHT church.” It is this response that so many people in the E.O.C. found distasteful in the past, and so many good hearted, faithful believers find repulsive now. I mean honestly, how many of us would want to listen to anyone that stands on the platform of “true faith” and “right worship” and talks down to us as we are looking for real answers? Compassion for where I’m at now; often non-existent.

I propose a much simpler means of evangelization…living a life of love. And I don’t mean Orthodox evangelization, I mean simple, beyond explanation, witnessing to Love. I myself was “saved” and eventually converted to Orthodoxy by love; pure and simple. Someone gave themselves up as a sacrifice to God for me, and I saw it and wanted what it was that they had. I saw a peace in them and their belief about God. I saw that no matter what was happening around them, their peace came from a different Source, and their strength was inflamed by a liturgy of life and prayer. How many of you experienced this as well? I have a notion that the more I love people and let my life be an example of Love, no matter how poor that example may be, I will save thousands around me. If I deign to proclaim the Gospel at all times, and if necessary, use words, then those who are lost may be found. Quite simply, Jesus never spoke much about theology. Sure, He knew the Law and not only obeyed it in every way, but fulfilled it so that we might be free in it. He spoke of loving God with our whole heart, soul, mind, and strength, and our neighbor as ourselves. In writing all of this, I am more aware than ever that I’m the cause of much pain and suffering; me, Luke Seraphim in all of my splendor. Most of the pain that I’ve caused has come from my tongue (sharper than a sword at times) and I’ve fallen WAY short of the glory to which I was born. Still, I will aspire to reach that from which I was cast for my own salvation; Paradise and the arms of my Creator. And, on the way back, I hope that I will be able to love and seek the lost more than I am able to breathe. In the words of Bill Mallonee, “No winners and losers; same in the end. I was hoping for a perfect world, no shirts, no skins.” Amen Bill, amen. While Orthodoxy may be the truth and the ancient faith, we are not called to draw a box and distinguish who are shirts and who are skins. I know that God meets His children wherever they may be, and I am called simply to bear witness to the Light, and above all things, to have fervent love for my brothers and sisters. The choice of which tradition to follow is not as important as the initial choice to seek God all the days of our lives. In doing this, He will reveal the path ahead, and He will call us all to His One, Holy, Catholic, and Apostolic Church. And in the end, isn’t Orthodoxy just about learning how to Love God and all mankind more fervently anyway? Don’t all the Fathers point to Christ and to learning how to love Him? Perhaps if we all focus more on Love himself and less on loving ourselves and “getting it right” we can radically change the Church and many lives around us. Lord grant us all the wisdom, strength, and love to do just that, in our strength and in our poverty; and even so Lord Jesus, come quickly!

Category: Orthodoxy, Spirituality | 8 Comments on Convert-itis
19 September 2003

Diagnostics: Completed

So sorry; me been gone for rong time. Wow. I must say, this has been a very good and enlightening discussion. Thank you to all who took time to comment and post about this topic. I feel compelled to make a few last remarks before closing this topic. To Alana: thank you for your comments especially. What you stated seems to capture exactly what I’m thinking about this whole thing. It was never my intent to come off as accusing and un-compassionate. I merely think that the world as a whole gives in much more frequently to their emotions than is truly Good, and then wind up in the pit of despair (said in a Princess Bride voice) and society, rather than turn to God and Church, prefers to medicate rather than seek the truth. In many cases, the truth may be that an individual’s brain has an imbalance of chemicals, and therefore needs medication to help a soul in distress. This should never be seen as a bad or evil thing. I am thankful for medical science being able to help those that truly need help. Besides the main purpose of this post (to seek out truth and other opinions) my driving point/opinion in all of this has been that I believe our world is caught up in the sin of running from pain. We live in a pleasure driven culture that seeks all selfishness and despises sacrifice and asceticism. The key to being free from painful thoughts and feelings, guilt and shame, is to simply “take something” or “drink something” that will pacify what feels wrong. We all know about that big empty hole in our hearts that aches to be filled. Unfortunately, modern opinion would be to fill it with everything but Christ, which in the end is no new lie. “Nothing new under the sun…” As fallen human beings, we often operate on the “pain/pleasure principle.” I spoke to the campers about this at St. John’s camp this year. With Believers, this has to stop. Jesus did not operate on this principle. He never stayed where he was wanted, and he never hurried away from where he wasn’t wanted. He did what the Father asked of Him in all things, and I believe that we are called to do the same. We go neither towards pleasure or away from pain. Besides, many times what I perceive to be pleasure, and then go for it, turns out to be gold covered dirt anyway. As Solomon says, it’s like chasing the wind; all is vanity. May God give us the grace to follow His commandments and not our own selfishness!

Category: Discussion, General, Life | 5 Comments on Diagnostics: Completed
10 September 2003

Diagnostics? cont.

More on the subject of depression…Hmmm…good questions. Good comments James and Joel. (See Comments: Diagnostics?) Much to chew on. As for the questions from a certain short neighbor…

Not being anything near an authority on the subject, I think that persistent, recurring unhappiness would be depression, yes. I think I’d say that feeling “blue” would also fall into that category. I’m not sure where you’re going with asking what we want out of life, but if this is also a contributing factor to depression, then, hmmm… no I’m not quite sure yet what I want or what God asks of me (or Janna and I) right now. I think this can lead to a spirit of discontent, but I would seperate that from depression.

I think that all of these feelings; blue, sad, discontentment, and being unsure of what you want, are definately signs of being depressed. However, what human being doesn’t have days or perhaps even lots of days like this? I even made a previous post about being depressed because I was lonely here in the woods, yet a few days later I was better. My spiritual father says that many times, depression and all those feelings I described, can be attributed to the “unknown-ness” that lay ahead. I especially like to know what’s coming, and I don’t like anything messing with my life and changing things around. Rather that letting God guide me, I’d rather that He tell me what the rest of my life is gonna be. (Where’s the fun in that, eh?) But I can seperate the “blue” days from the “grey” and those from the happy days. Despite having depressing days, I can honestly say that everyday, I smile and find much to be thankful for and happy about. Doesn’t mean I’m done whining or being depressed. Fr. Schmemann wrote in his journals about dealing with a depressed woman. He says, “Yesterday I had a long pastoral talk with a woman in deep depression.” He lists some of the reasons for her depression and then says this, “Total darkness, a state of blasphemy. While we were talking I felt quite clearly the demonic character of a depression. I felt her acceptance, willing acceptance of blasphemy. I felt also the weakness and inadequacy of psychiatry and psychoanalysis. There is no way that they can drag people out of this darkness ‘if the light that is in you is darkness…’ I told her; you can do only one thing, renounce blasphemy, eject yourself out of this lie, this surrender. You cannot do more, but this is the beginning.”

I think that this is precisely where I’m coming from. As I stated before, I would not assume to ever “diagnose” anyone properly, as I do believe that there are people with chemical imbalances. I simply think that they are not as plentiful as we would be made to believe. I think James is absolutely right in saying that many times it is about feelings: “I think people in our society today are terrorized by their feelings. There is the unwritten rule that you should follow your feelings regardless of the consequences, and I think people are often shocked to find out that following their feelings doesn’t produce the results they want.” The woman with whom Father Alexander spoke, put in todays context, would most likely have been told that she was severly depressed and needed medication. Rather than being told that, “Hey, you are loved and despite all the pain in your life, God is still just as present now as he ever was.” she gets medicated. Can this really help her? Is it really “loving” her to give her candy when what she needs is much more? What happens when she wants to go off the medicine? Will she again slide into a depressed state, and perhaps be worse off than before, becuase the root of the problem was not addressed? It just seems to me that, as per the cultural norm, the answer is to shut off the bad feelings and go after the good. Everyone wants to be happy, but so many seem to be unable to be genuinely happy. I talk to so many people (and fight it in myself) who seem to feel constantly alone. This, I believe, more than anything is at the root of many evils and depression. In our Western, individualistic society, we have fooled ourselves into believing that “I don’t need anybody. I can use them when I do, but I will decide the course of MY life….etc.” Again people, I’m not saying that I fully understand all of this, just that I have some opinions, and I am open to learning more. I have several very good, close friends who are on meds, and in no way are my questions an attack on them, merely an opportunity for growth and understanding. Again, let me know what you think!

Category: Discussion, General | 12 Comments on Diagnostics? cont.
8 September 2003

Diagnostics?

Ok. Here’s a question for y’all. In asking this, I’m well aware that some of you may very well be the object of my inquiry, but so be it. Hopefully you will have a good response. My wife and I were talking about depression and modern diagnosis of the condition. It seems that every time we watch T.V. we can hardly avoid a commercial asking if we have “these symptoms,” and if so, we should consider seeking medical help because we very well could be depressed; which can be none other than a chemical imbalance and we are in need of expensive medication. The medication, of course, is readily available by the pharmaceutical company that paid to air the commercial during prime time. Now on to the next part…

While in New Hampshire recently (see previous post) one of the other two graduates at J.D.’s ceremony spoke of being depressed. All three of the graduates were asked to prepare a 10-15 minute speech about what life at the Mansion had been like, and how God had worked in them the past year. Karl (the one to whom I’m referring) spoke about a life of drugs and depression. When he arrived at the Mansion (which by the way is not a rehab facility; they accept no one who does not come willingly, and while the “students” must stay at the mansion while in the program, they are free to leave at any time. Back to Karl…) he was on meds for depression. He spoke of being consistently tired during work, barn chores, prayer & share time, and study times. Most of the time, he had to be propped up or kept awake by his peers and mentors. He spoke of praying to God to help him with this, and after some time, decided that he needed to cease taking the meds and attempt to live “drug free” with the help of God. He then stated that after only a few days off of the anti-depressants, he felt more awake, full of vigor, and happier than he had in a long time. He’s been off them for months now, and has said that he was depressed, and still gets depressed because of a cycle of guilt and shame and unrepentance in his life. He said, “A lifestyle of sin, distrust, and shame; yeah, that’ll make you depressed. That’ll give you psychological issues. But the love of Jesus sets you free to hope and remember that you are loved despite your ugliness.”

So, the question goes…While I am aware that there are people who TRULY do have a chemical imbalance and are in need of medication, where does/should the line get drawn? I see and know more and more people who are suddenly being diagnosed as “depressed” and are on Zoloft or Prozac. In many cases, these are Christians. Before I get a comment on it, no, I’m not a cultitst that believes that Christians should avoid medication because “Jesus heals all things if we just have enough faith to claim the healing…” I just don’t think that it’s the fact that “medical science” can now help more people to be properly diagnosed and then medicate that. I see our society as a whole slipping down the tubes, and a big part of that is the refusal to accept consequences for our actions, and hence the over-medication of the general population. The worst part of it is that children are not left out. There are more kids on Prozac, Zoloft, and Ritalin now that there ever have been in the past. SO, what do you say people? I’m eager to hear your responses.

Category: Discussion, General | 4 Comments on Diagnostics?